Hot Water Burn Baby

Father: Well Ryan, tomorrow's a big day. Your mom's coming home from the hospital with your new baby sister. Ryan : baby sister Father: That's right, baby sister. Ryan : baby sister Father: So, uh, I think now is the time for us to go over some safety rules for when you're around your new baby sister. Ryan : safety rules Father: Okay, rule number one: Always wash your hands before touching the baby. Ryan : wash hands Father: Do you know why? Ryan : no Father: Well, because sometimes you have germs on your hands and germs are bad for the baby cause they can make the baby sick. Ryan : germs make baby sick Father: That's right, that's right, Ryan. Germs make baby sick. Ryan : germs make the baby sick Father: Okay, rule number two. Ryan : more rules Father: Don't feed the baby anything. Ryan : don't feed the baby. Father: That's right. Ryan : why? Father: Well, because the baby needs to eat special baby food. Ryan : why? Father: Oh...well, other food is bad for the baby. Ryan : other food bad for the baby Father: That's right, good. Now, rule number three. Ryan : more rules Father: Never take hot water near the baby because hot water will burn the baby. Ryan : water bad for the baby Father: Well, not all water, just hot water, Ryan : yes Father: Cause hot water will burn the baby. Ryan : I don't understand, daddy Father: Okay, see this glass of water that I'm drinking? Ryan : yes Father: Well, this water is okay for the baby. Ryan : yes Father: Here, touch the glass. Ryan : yes Father: See, it's nice and cool. Ryan : yes Father: Now if this was hot water that would be bad because hot water can burn the baby. Ryan : hot water burn baby? Father: Yes, hot water burn baby. Ryan : hot water burn baby Father: Yes, yes, hot water burn baby. Ryan : hot water burn your baby Father: Yes. Ryan : baby can't go in swimming pool? Father: Oh no, the swimming pool is okay. Swimming pool water is cool. Ryan : yes Father: That's alright. Ryan : yes Father: But the jacuzzi is bad because that water is hot and hot water will burn the baby. Ryan : hot water burn the baby Father: Yes. Ryan : hot water burn the baby Father: Yes. Now say you made a cup of tea, would you take that near the baby? Ryan : yea, baby like tea Father: No Ryan, uh, I don't think you get it yet. Ryan : baby no like tea? Father: Well, I'm sure the baby will like tea, but what do you make tea with? Ryan : ...hot water Father: Right, and what did we say about hot water? Ryan : ...oh, hot water burn baby Father: Yes, hot water burn baby! Ryan : hot water burn baby! Father: That's right so no tea near the baby. Ryan : hot water burn baby Father: Yes. Ryan : baby no take bath? Father: No, bath water is warm. Warm is okay. Ryan : yes Father: Hot is bad. Ryan : yes...hot water burn baby Father: Yes, hot water burn baby. Ryan : hot water burn baby Father: I think you're gettin' it! Ryan : hot water burn baby Father: That's right, Ryan. Ryan : hot water burn baby Father: NOW DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT! Narrator: 30 year later! Wife : Hey, Ryan, what are you doing out there? Ryan : Just watchin' the discovery channel. Wife : Well, dinner's gonna be ready in about five minutes. Ryan : Aw, great baby, aight, I'll be in in a few momentos. Lemme just wind down...(garbled) Wife : Okay, honey! Ryan : Yeah. TV : The villagers of Pasquan Ryan : Pasquan TV : have a very bizarre and painful way of welcoming their infants into the community. Ryan : (garbled) TV : Unfortunately, the death rate from this ritual is a mortifying 90 percent. Ryan : My God. TV : That explains the Pasquan's low population. Ryan : Yeah, it does. TV : On the first full moon of Autumn, all the Pasquanian mothers wrap their new-borns in traditional hand painted deerskin,... Ryan : Deerskin. TV : ...which have been passed along from generation to generation. Ryan : That's nice. TV : The entire Pasquan population then forms a circle on the sacred battlefield of Chin-Chara. Ryan : ya-yara TV : Each Pasquanian baby is then passed, hand to hand, around the circle... Ryan : Wow. TV : ...four times. Ryan : Four times. TV : Once for the sun,... Ryan : Hmm. TV : ...once for the moon,... Ryan : The moon. TV : ...once for the earth,... Ryan : The earth. TV : ...and once for the wind. Ryan : The wind, too. TV : When the babies arrive back in their mother's hands, they are marched, in procession, to the Pasquanian natural hot springs... Ryan : What? TV : ...where the ceremonial purification will be completed. Ryan : What are you saying here? TV : As we watch, the mothers take their progeny out of the deerskin shells... Ryan : No. TV : ...and dunk them into the steaming water. Ryan : No! No! Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby! Father: That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby. Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Wife : Ryan! What's going on out there? Are you okay? Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Father: Hot water burn most definitely burn baby. Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Father: That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby! Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Father: You are a bitch, Ryan! Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Wife : Ryan, are you alright? Father: Hot water burn the baby! Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Wife : Ryan! Father: What are you gonna do, whore? Wife : Ryan! Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Father: Bitch! Wife : Ryan! What's going on out there? Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Father: Whore! Wife : Who are you talking to? Father: Bitch! Ryan : I'm talking to the man! Father: Whore! Ryan : Hot water burn baby! Wife : Ryan! Father: Bitch! Ryan is a whore! --- Hot Water Burn Baby - Adam Sandler, Allen Covert and Rob Schneider