Bigger on the Inside

You'd think I'd shot their children From the way that they are talking And there's no point in responding 'Cause it will not make them stop And I am tired of explaining And of seeing so much hating In the very same safe haven Where I used to just see helping I've been drunk and skipping dinner Eating skin from off my fingers And I tried to call my brother But he no longer exists I keep forgetting to remember That he would have been much prouder If he saw me shake these insults off Instead of getting bitter I am bigger on the inside But you have to come inside to see me Otherwise you're only hating Other people's low-res copies You'd think I'd learn my lesson From the way they keep on testing My capacity for pain And my resolve to not get violent But though my skin is thickened Certain spots can still be gotten It is typically human of me Thinking I am different To friends hooked up to hospital machines To fix their cancer And there is no better place than from this Waiting room to answer The French kid who sent an email To the website late last night His father raped him and he's scared He asked me "How do you keep fighting?" And the truth is I don't know I think it's funny that he asked me Cause I don't feel like a fighter lately I am too unhappy You are bigger on the inside But your father cannot see You need to tell someone Be strong And somewhere some dumb rock star truly loves you You'd think I'd get perspective From my view here by the bedside It is difficult to see the ones I love So close to death All their infections and proscriptions And the will to live at all in question Can I not accept that my own problems Are so small? You took my hand when you woke up I had been crying in the darkness We all die alone but I am so, so glad That you are here You whispered "We are so much bigger on the inside You, me, everybody Some day when you're lying where I am You'll finally get it, beauty We are so much bigger Than another one can ever see But Trying is the point of life So don't stop trying Promise me" --- Bigger On The Inside - Amanda Palmer