Bizarre Christmas Incident

(Ho ho ho!) Hey grandpa, let's tell them the little story about this Christmas (Yeah tell 'em, tell 'em about Christmas!) Christmas Eve, I didn't get much sleep I kept hearing things Heavy breathing from the chimney, who could it be? (I know who it was) (What happened then, Ben?) (Yeah, what happened?) I went back to sleep (Back to sleep? Shit!) I'm tired if I don't have sleep And in the morn' I couldn't believe my eyes A whale of a corpse With a long white beard was hangin' over the fire Oh, Santa's he's a big fat fuck Went down the chimney got his fat ass suck Oh honey call the lawyers fast 'Cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass Hey hey hey (hey!) yeah (Ohh, oh oh) Ok grandpa, step up Sing in this thing right here Tell them what you saw, tell them what you saw grandpa I gotta tell you folks He wasn't wearin' no clothes (no clothes!) He must have rubbed the whole gallon of Crisco off From his back and down to his toes Well, I was talking to the cops outside The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs They hauled him away in a double wide What a sad, sad way to die, hey hey hey! Santa's he's a big fat fuck Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck Oh honey call the lawyers fast Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass --- Bizarre Christmas Incident - Ben Folds