Everything's Coming Up Roses

Here we are in court today Rose just took the stand She's divorcin' me for reasons I still don't understand That dress is showin' more of her Than I've seen in years And the story that she's tellin's Even got the judge in tears She's accusin' me of hangin' out With girls of ill repute Adultery, abandonment Even alcohol abuse I just heard my mother shout Your honor throw the book And even my attorney Just gave me a dirty look Everything's coming up roses The house, the car The kids and all the cash Everything's coming up roses And I'll be lucky If I keep the shirt that's on my back My head is buried in my hands The courtroom is adjourned She got all I ever made And all I'll ever earn If I had a handkerchief I'd break right down and cry Why, even Johnny Carson Got a better deal than mine Everything's coming up roses The house, the car The kids and all the cash Everything's coming up roses And I'll be lucky If I keep the shirt that's on my back Everything's coming up roses And I'll be lucky If I keep the shirt that's on my back --- Everything's Coming Up Roses - Carol Burnett