Uh, I keep my ear to the door holding my brother close
He knows I love him most
My heart beating I can feel it from his fucking pulse
Seeing my mother rose, froze, love of something slows
Woes, decompose, muddy clothes and a runny nose
Flows, we're shivering, she mistakes it for giggling
Mother quivering hopping out the seat that she's sitting in
Living in the last few weeks keeping it diligent
It's calm under my arm I be popping the Ritalin
To keep it smooth
Self-medicating to keep me loose
I needed proof, needed see it to believe it's true
I needed you but you're the one that I was grieving to
And now you're leaving
Deep in the evening that we were sleeping through
So what are we to do but move with the setting sun
Uh, you know I love you like a second mum
Love you for better from, now 'til whenever
Want the family together I promise you I'ma get it done
Trust, 'cos all I wanted was a fucking man
To tell the fucking truth, hold my fucking hand
Uh, to guide me through the darkness when the others ran
Instead he was sliding and slipping I didn't understand
I didn't understand-stand, didn't understand
Uh, now every time that motherfucker ran
I didn't understand-stand, didn't understand
Uh, 'cos every afternoon after school
Or at 5:30 if it was after basketball
They'd be waiting up at the gate with an article
They picked up on the way down
And read it to me the second we were leaving the playground
That grey sound never stop until we're forced to stop
Corner shop, buying fruit and veg? Nah, of course we're not
Just a couple steady snacks for the journey heading back
Full of the sugar so our teeth Yes of course they rot
Sit for hours, sun, thunderstorm or showers
In that same living room watching the bloom turn to flowers
The night was ours
Superpowers and all
We were zapping out the window and watching the cowards fall
Had it all
Powerful, making me tower tall
Bountiful from something so small
So I'd rather take the fall and brawl
Before I drowned in what I found so cruel
Sitting and sipping whiskey like my grandad did
Trying to like the life that my grandad lived
'Cos when the black man slipped into the darkness
And the black man dipped
It didn't matter, had that love I left my grandad with
Sip brandy like my grandma do
Trying to like the life that my nan told true
'Cos if I run from you she'd hold my hands
Until my hands turn blue
So I pursue the new, thinking 'bout the man they grew, because
Trust, all I wanted was a fucking man
To tell the fucking truth, hold my fucking hand
Uh, to guide me through the darkness when the others ran
Instead he was sliding and slipping I didn't understand
I didn't understand-stand, didn't understand
Uh, now every time that motherfucker ran
I didn't understand-stand, didn't understand
Uh, now believe me I need a fucking man
Trust, all I wanted was a fucking man
To tell the fucking truth, hold my fucking hand
Uh, to guide me through the darkness when the others ran
Instead he was sliding and slipping I didn't understand
I didn't understand-stand, didn't understand
Uh, now every time that motherfucker ran
I didn't understand-stand, didn't understand
Uh, now believe me I need a fucking man
---
Tierney Terrace - Loyle Carner
