I Wonder What Happened to Him

The India that we read about And may have been misled about In memory has still remained intact Though Pukka Sahib traditions may have cracked and thinned The good old Indian army was a fact That famous monumental man The Officer and Gentleman Can still recall the glories of Bombay or Katmandu In certain clubs, you still can glimpse Matured or embryonic Blimps Vivaciously speculating as to what became of who They order pites and call for choder pegs And drain their reminiscence to the dregs Whatever became of old Boosey? You know, I I, haven't seen him for a year Is it true that young Briggs had to marry that floozy he met in the Vale of Kashmir? Have you, have you heard any word of that chap in the Third Was it Prosser or Pyecroft or Pym? He was stationed in Simla, or was it Bengal? But I know he got blind at a ball in Nepal And wrote several four-letter words on a wall I wonder what happened to him Whatever became of old Shelley? Is it, is it true that young Forbes was cashiered For riding quite nude on a push-bike through Delhi The day the new Viceroy appeared? You know, they say that young Lees Has a girl with D.T.s And his hopes of promotion are slim Well, according to Stubbs, who's a bit of a louse The silly young blighter went out on a souse And took two old tarts into Government House I wonder what happened to him One must admit that by and large Upholders of the British Raj Don't shine in conversation as a breed Though Indian army officers could read a bit Their verbal wit has rather run to seed Their famous insularity and roguish jocularity That echoed through the empire when Victoria was Queen Can still be found in certain bars In restaurants and dining-cars Upholding the old traditions in the way they've always been Though worlds may change and nations disappear Above the shrieking chaos you will hear Whatever became of old Tucker? Have you heard any word of young Mills Who ruptured himself at the end of a chukka And had to be sent to the hills? Have you heard any news of that bloke in the Blues Was it Southerby, Sedgwick or Sim? You know, they, they had him chucked out of the club in Bombay For, apart from his mess bill exceeding his pay He took to pig-sticking in quite the wrong way I wonder what happened to him Whatever became of old Archie? You know, I hear he departed this life After rounding up twelve sacred cows in Karachi To welcome the Governor's wife Do you, do you remember young Phipps Who had very large hips And whose waist was excessively slim? Well, it appears a curious doctor in Washington Square Gave him hormone injections to strengthen his hair And he grew something here, and he grew something there I wonder what happened to her, him --- I Wonder What Happened To Him - Noël Coward