I'm trying to stay awake
riding back to the park
on the trunk of a car, your jacket in your arms
nothing smears like my lipstick
talking shit on tallboys over tall cans in the dark
I've never been good at standing up to the way that people treat me
but I sure as hell can tell what you mean when you're screaming at me that
I will never be able to get close to anyone as long as I am unable to admit that they are hurting me
and I miss you, more than I miss home
lets set fire to this car, let the radiator blow
meet me at the porch at 3 am and stomp to death the fear that lives
beneath the floorboards of my chest, drowning out the cigarettes
I would love to tell you, it gets better, it gets better
but it also gets so much fucking worse
and without laundering food stamps and railing Xanax at the beach
that town doesn't mean shit to me
I'm fighting off sleep, riding back to the park
in the trunk of a car, your jacket in your arms
nothing smears like lipstick and talking shit on tallboys over tall cans in the dark
and I can't sleep when I got somewhere to be like
climbing past chainlink fences and second chances like
decolonizing the relationship with myself and with my art
and the capitalist idea that we have a responsibility to be productive
and I would love to tell you all the pointless shit I did today
but we haven't talked in months and we're a thousand miles away
from each other's sunburnt bodies, smoking spiffs, and climbing trees
at least that's how I hope you will remember me
I'm fighting off sleep, riding back to the park
in the trunk of a car, your jacket in your arms
nothing smears like my lipstick and talking shit on tallboys over tall cans in the dark
asleep inside the notion of femininity as silence
vulnerability or patience, literally anything but violence
it's just coercion and pacifism
don't stand up, bash back, or ask questions because you'll uncover and objective with more materialist intentions
I would love to tell you all the pointless shit I did today
but we haven't talked months and we're a thousand miles away
from each other's sunburnt bodies, smoking spiffs, and climbing trees
at least that's how I hope you'll remember me.
