Jackie

And if one day I should become A singer with a Spanish bum Who sings for women of great virtue I'd sing to them with a guitar I borrowed from a coffee bar Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you My name would be Antonio And all my bridges I would burn And when I gave them some they'd know I'd expect something in return I'd have to get drunk every night And talk about virility With some old grandmama That might be decked out like a Christmas tree And though pink elephants I'd see Though I'd be drunk as I could be Still I would sing my song to me About the time they called me "Jackie" If I could be for only an hour If I could be for an hour every day If I could be for just one little hour A cute cute, in a stupid-ass way And if I joined the social whirl Became procurer of young girls Then I would have my own bordellos My record would be number one And I'd sell records by the ton All sung by many other fellows My name would then be handsome Jack And I'd sell boats of opium Whiskey that came from Twickenham Authentic queers and phony virgins If I had banks on every finger A finger in every country And all the countries ruled by me I'd still know where I'd want to be Locked up inside my opium den Surrounded by some china men I'd sing the song that I sang then About the time they called me "Jackie" If I could be for only an hour If I could be for an hour every day If I could be for just one little hour A cute cute, in a stupid-ass way Now, tell me, wouldn't it be nice That if one day in paradise I'd sing for all the ladies up there And they would sing along with me And we be so happy there to be 'Cause down below is really nowhere And if my name were Juniper Then I would know where I was going And then I would become all knowing My beard so very long and flowing If I became deaf, dumb and blind Because I pitied all mankind And broke my heart to make things right I'd know that every single night When my angelic work was through The angels and the Devil too Would sing my childhood song to me About the time they called me "Jackie" If I could be for only an hour If I could be for an hour every day If I could be for just one little hour A cute cute, in a stupid-ass way