String of Pearls

She swings the string of pearls on the corner The street lights reflect the light in the water The string it snaps and the pearls go sailing And they splash and bounce and roll 'cross the wet street As she bends to chase the pearls a car swings 'round the corner She darts from the eyes of the panic-struck driver Who's racing to the delivery room 'Cause in the back seat his wife is busting out of her womb And the sack breaks and out come the Siamese Twins Who grow up to become the first President With two heads Are better than one He puts his heads in his hands, says I got to put my heads together I can become the best President ever And not just President Fend for yourself Signs his name, takes the blame for all of the names with no shame In their beliefs They adjourn and they leave, and in walks a man With a broom and a knife and blood on his hands And he sweeps everything under the rug And goes home to his kids and gives them a hug But his wife was not there, she had just left a letter That said "you'd be much better off without me" Now his wife took the train to her ex-lover's funeral Who died in the bathroom, hit his head on a urinal When they got together, the knowledge was carnal And the widow was at the funeral, and they had quite a catfight And they fell into the hole where the casket was resting And the preacher just left in the middle of the service 'Cause death was one thing, but women made him nervous And he ran to his car and he drove 'round the corner Then something in the street caught the light in his eye He pulled over, reached down, and picked up a pearl from the gutter And he didn't know what to think And he brought it home and washed it in the sink And he gave the pearl to Sister Mary Teresa Who could not accept it so she gave it to Lisa, A young prostitute who was missing a pearl On the necklace that broke late last night --- String of Pearls - Soul Asylum