Any Old Iron?

Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron? You look neat, talk about a treat You look so dapper from your napper to your feet Dressed in style, brand new tile And your father's old green tie on But I wouldn't give you tuppence For your old watch and chain Old iron, old iron Just a week or two ago, my dear old uncle Bill He went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will So I went around the road to see my auntie Jane She said, ""Your uncle Bill has left you a watch and chain"" So I put it on right across my derby kell The sun was shining on it and it made me look a swell I went out, strolling round about A crowd of kiddies followed me and they began to shout Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron? You look neat, talk about a treat You look so dapper from your napper to your feet Dressed in style, brand new tile And your father's old green tie on But I wouldn't give you tuppence For your old watch and chain Old iron, old iron I won't forget the day I went to London on the spree I saw the mayor of London there, that's who I went to see He came along in a carriage and a pair I shouted, ""Come on boys, all throw your hats up in the air"" Just then the mayor, he began to smile Pointed to my face and said, ""Lor Lummy, what a dial"" Started Lord-a-mayoring and then to my dismay He pointed to my watch and chain and shouted to me, ""Hey"" Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron? You look neat, talk about a treat You look so dapper from your napper to your feet Dressed in style, brand new tile And your father's old green tie on But I wouldn't give you tuppence For your old watch and chain Old iron, old iron I shan't forget the day I married miss Elisa Brown The way the people laughed at me, it made me feel a clown I arrived in a carriage called a hack When I suddenly discovered I'd my trousers front to back So I walked down the aisle, dressed in style The vicar took a look at me and then began to smile The organ started playing, the bells began to ring The people started laughing and the choir began to sing Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron? You look neat, talk about a treat You look so dapper from your napper to your feet Dressed in style, brand new tile And your father's old green tie on But I wouldn't give you tuppence For your old watch and chain Old iron, old iron --- Any Old Iron? - Stanley Holloway