Step Right Up

Step right up, step right up, step right up Everyone's a winner, bargains galore That's right, you too can be the proud owner Of the quality goes in before the name goes on One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar We got service after sales How 'bout perfume? We got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring? Something for the little lady, something for the little lady Something for the little lady, hmm Three for a dollar We got a year-end clearance, we got our white sale And our smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today Act now, act now and receive as our gift, our gift to you They come in all colors, one size fits all No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business Going out of business sale Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man Don't settle for less How do we do it? How do we do it? Volume, volume, turn up the volume Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate Don't be caught with your drawers down Don't be caught with your drawers down You can step right up, step right up That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school It gets rid of unwanted facial hair It gets rid of embarrassing age spots It delivers a pizza and it lengthens and it strengthens And it finds that slipper that's been at large Under the chaise lounge for several weeks And it plays a mean Rhythm Master It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar And it's only a dollar, step right up It's only a dollar, step right up 'Cause it forges your signature If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product For complete refund of price of purchase Step right up Please allow thirty days for delivery Don't be fooled by cheap imitations You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it Swim in it, sleep in it Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets that's right And it entertains visiting relatives It turns a sandwich into a banquet Tired of being the life of the party? Change your shorts, change your life, change your life Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife And it walks your dog and it doubles on sax Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack See you later alligator, see you later alligator And it steals your car It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking It's a friend, it's a companion It's the only product you will ever need Follow these easy assembly instructions, it never needs ironing Well, it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff Gives you dandruff and it finds you a job, it is a job And it strips the phone company free, take ten for five exchange And it gives you denture breath And you know it's a friend and, and it's a companion And it gets rid of your traveler's checks It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned Well, it takes care of business Never needs winding, never needs winding, never needs winding Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, or psoriasis Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon 'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors It disinfects, it's sanitized for your protection It gives you an erection, it wins the election Why put up with painful corns any longer? It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation No salesman will visit your home We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot Prizes, prizes, prizes All work guaranteed How do we do it? How do we do it? How do we do it? How do we do it? We need your business, we're going out of business We'll give you the business Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale Receive our free brochure, free brochure Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions Batteries not included Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available Step right up, step right up, step right up You got it, buddy, the large print giveth And the small print taketh away Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up C'mon, step right up Ah, get away from me kid, you're botherin' me Step right up, step right up, step right up, Ah, mmm, ah C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up C'mon and step right up --- Step Right Up - Tom Waits