Best Friend

Remember when you broke up with your fucking ex? God, I'm glad you've finally gotten over them Only took about a hundred million texts God, I swear that bitch was such a narcissist Everybody knows I love you so, so, so, so much 'Cause every time they ask, I always tell, tell, tell, tell them That's my fuckin' best friend, that's my fuckin' right hand That's my fuckin' throw-up-in-the-bathroom-but-still-love-them That's my fuckin' best friend, best friend That's my fuckin' best friend, best friend That's my fuckin' lifeline, that's my ride or die like That's my fuckin' hate-you-but-you-know-that-that's-a-damn-lie Baby, you're my best friend, best friend Baby, you're my best friend, best friend Baby, you're my Baby, you're my Made a promise that I'm gonna marry you If we're both still single by, like, thirty-two And that shit is gonna end up bein' true 'Cause I hate, like, everyone except for you Who else is gonna grocery shop with me at 2 AM? Who else will take that picture for you just to get revenge? You're just as psycho as me, just as sick inside the head So when they ask, I've always said That's my fuckin' best friend, that's my fuckin' right hand That's my fuckin' throw-up-in-the-bathroom-but-still-love-them That's my fuckin' best friend, best friend That's my fuckin' best friend, best friend That's my fuckin' lifeline, that's my ride or die like That's my fuckin' hate-you-but-you-know-that-that's-a-damn-lie Baby, you're my best friend, best friend Baby, you're my best friend, best friend Baby, you're my Baby, you're my (Why do you keep calling me? You're kidding) (What? Who? Are you kidding?) (Oh my God) (Oh, hey, no, no-no, don't respond) (Don't respond, don't respond) Baby, you're my (Yeah, I'll be there in ten minutes)