Awake for the Sunrise

I didn't want to be awake for the sunrise But my heart wouldn't let me rest I didn't want to see the light of the morning With an aching in my chest So does fire beget fire As a warning? As a test? I only wanted to know you better I only thought that I knew you best I didn't think I was a terrible liar But I am when I need it most Making a sorry attempt at compassion With a hand halfway down my throat So does life carry forth If the station is remote? Hope is still keeping my head above water 'Til the moment before I choke There is a future where we're resting easy On the other side of us But I'd rather feel the full wrath of destruction Than remember the things I've done I gave up on that life As I gave myself to you And I deserve it, the very worst of it I deserve it, I know I do And I deserve it, the very worst of it I deserve it, I know I do