I'm So Ashamed

They say that I'm too old I guess I'm coming up for nine Me curly hair is getting thin it's all them women and wine But I'm oh so ashamed It's been three weeks since I had A record in the top twenty pops It hurts me when I thinks as how at eight I was top of the pole They screamed every time I just opened me mouth and rocked in the aisles with me roll Now I'm oh so ashamed They all say me discs are flops Cos I haven't got a record in the top twenty pops I've tried ooh-aahs and I've giggled I've rocked it and I've skiffled I've sung an old song and not no-one could make out a word It's the truth! I've clapped me hands til the blood run I've had echoes til me head spun Til me head spun Til me head spun But they say you're too old, too long in the tooth Give us youth! I've had me breakdown in the papers Dyed me hair a luminous green I've wobbled me hips in s*xy-like capers And me sideboards meet under me chin But I'm oh so ashamed It's been three weeks since I had A record in the top twenty pops I've held high notes, real classy Til me eyes went all glassy I've sung a duet with meself - nearly ruptured me throat I've tried humming and hot drumming I've broke ten guitars with me strumming But it always turns out some Charlie has done it before What's the matter with me platters, they say I should try a new kick But me nerves is hanging in tatters, I've done me nut til I'm fair off me wick And I'm oh so ashamed It's been three weeks since I had A record in the top twenty pops Me discs are slipping! I haven't got a record in the top twenty pops Please buy this record. Please! --- I'm So Ashamed - Peter Sellers