Fiend Like Me

VERSE 01: Tune in to your favourite station Peruse any news publication See the state of the states and nations Corporations, inflation, invasions, Well, I say that they could take some Intercontinental consolidation One flag emblazoned with my face on And I don’t plan on an application Introducing villainy squared Just your standard reclusive trillionaire With a maniacal air and a violent flare Vibrant tyrant enshrined in a stylish chair You can find me there on my island lair Where the sirens blare as I stride in striking fear With the slightest glare, I’m not fighting fair Step aside for the frightful heir So you’d better get to polishing your white flags I’ve a plethora of monuments to hijack Shrink the senate, use the columns as a spice rack And enveloping the commons in a flytrap Minions all over my map Turn your dominion into a nice back- Yard for my kingdom, your income might lapse, you might have To squint at the print on the ransom price tag SPOKEN INTERLUDE: You know, I’ve just realised. This dotted line around the globe is supposed to be the equator… I always thought of it as more of a ‘cut here’. CHORUS 01: If all the world’s a stage Then I shall play my part You may say it’s cliché But I say it’s an art Every deck needs a knave To come and stack the cards The world may be yours to save But it’s mine to tear apart One button’s all it takes To set the earth a-quaking Or is the world afraid And the planet started shaking? You’d need tectonic plates To serve the schemes I’m baking And the menu for today Is some world domination VERSE 02: I’m the meanest genius scheme unfurler Genus steeped in burglars, murderers Fiend Weekly’s champ moustache twirler I cheated. I used curlers. Yes my amusements bamboozle A glamorous ruse to confuse all Your plans to tamper and snoop, You’re delusional Can’t see no scheme whilst you’re schmoozing my valets Casino screen obscures my base So if you don’t want a day to rue let’s Just play some roulette, forget the backstage But if you do sleuth through to my sanctum I’ve a few new tools here to have fun Like a tank full of man-eating plankton Or a smooth henchman with a handgun So whilst I’m busy dislodging Norway You’ll spend all day dodging my sawblades Raising my pinball scoresheet Freak in the broadsheets, Rube Goldberg in the hallways Stay between the laser beams You still won’t make it face-to-face with me Your agency just paid you to take A vacation in my interrogation seat One wrong step in my bullion vaults And you’re gonna be met with a billion volts But if you do pocket any ill-gotten profits Then I’ll dock it via rocket from the minion at fault My management skills are uniquely stirring When lacking in diligent measly servants Having one killed with the team observing Works magic on building the weak’s subservience SPOKEN INTERLUDE: See, I think I’d make a perfect leader. I’m very hands-on. And by that, I mean my hand’s on this big red button that may or may not do something terrible to the moon’s gravity. Don’t worry, I’ll write you a lovely orbit-uary. CHORUS 02: If all the world’s a stage Then I shall play my part You may say it’s cliché But I say it’s an art Every deck needs a knave To come and stack the cards The world may be yours to save But it’s mine to tear apart You secretly live below My laser-mounted space station You may need to think it over But if I get bored of waiting I’ll be beaming tic-tac-toe Between the borders of your nations Want to keep the Swiss Plateau? Then give me world domination VERSE 03: I’ve minions poised and entrapped informers Villains exploiting the map’s four corners Off to deploy my outlandish orders Warrants are void. International waters. If I steal her bling, do I have to wait For the Queen of England to abdicate? Shrink rays are aimed so why raze the place? Turn your famed locations to paperweights Now your monument’s stored in a portable size Does my offer seem more of an affordable price? Your democracy’s nice but you ought to comply Or I’ll alter your mind via the water supply Reports coming live of some sort of device That authorities describe as an orb in the sky It’s absorbing the light and distorting the ice ‘Til your tenth story penthouse is caught in the tide The Forces of Justice ought to give up ‘Fore I bore through the crust and get awfully destructive Force down your government’s doors then I’ll bust in Awesomely scored by a chorus of trumpets Rulers you foolishly trust to prevent My ascent just uselessly buckle and bend If your throne ever feels too comfortable then Remember all good things come to an end CHORUS 03: If all the world’s a stage Then I shall play my part You may say it’s cliché But I say it’s an art Every deck needs a knave To come and stack the cards The world may be yours to save But it’s mine to tear apart That stylish new telephone Home appliance sensation Rewrites your genetic code Every time the tone is playing So I’m sure to get your vote For my new administration Detonator’s set to blow For some world domination SPOKEN OUTRO: It’s too late to stop me. By now the laser dolphins are in position and every world leader at the beachside peace summit and barbeque has been incinerated. I’ll be sure to notify their next of fin. MUAHAHAH. That was good. Somebody write that down.