If A Girl Isn't Pretty

If a girl isn't pretty Like a Miss Atlantic City All she gets in life is pity And a pat Kindly name a star who hasn't Won a contest or a pageant If she hasn't she just never Gets to bat She must shine in every detail Like a ring, you're buying retail Be a standard size that Fits a standard dress When a girl's incidentals Are no bigger than two lentils Then to me it doesn't spell Success Frumpy faces that could cause ya To have temporary nausea Do I have to hear a lecture Such as that? Is a nose with deviation Such a crime against the nation? Should I throw her into jail Or drown the cat? So she looks a bit off balance She possesses golden talents Or is that a pill too bitter To digest? Oh, she's got very nice deportment, hmm But when they see that at Ortmund's From the gallery they'll be Throwing fruit --- If a Girl Isn't Pretty - Barbra Streisand