the grudge

I have nightmares each week about that Friday in May One phone call from you and my entire world was changed Trust that you betrayed, confusion that still lingers You took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers And I doubt you ever think about the damage that you did But I hold on to every detail like my life depends on it My undying love, now I hold it like a grudge And I hear your voice every time that I think I'm not enough And I try to be tough, but I wanna scream How could anybody do the things you did so easily? And I say I don't care, I say that I'm fine But you know I can't let it go I've tried, I've tried, I've tried for so long It takes strength to forgive, but I don't feel strong The arguments that I have won against you in my head In the shower, in the car and in the mirror before bed Yeah, I'm so tough when I'm alone and I make you feel so guilty And I fantasize about a time you're a little fucking sorry And I try to understand why you would do this all to me You must be insecure, you must be so unhappy And I know in my heart hurt people hurt people And we both drew blood, but, man, those cuts were never equal And I try to be tough, but I wanna scream How could anybody do the things you did so easily? And I say I don't care, I say that I'm fine But you know I can't let it go I've tried, I've tried, I've tried for so long It takes strength to forgive, but I don't feel strong Ooh, do you think I deserved it all? Ooh, your flower's filled with vitriol You built me up to watch me fall You have everything and you still want more I try to be tough, I try to be mean But even after all this, you're still everything to me And I know you don't care, I guess that that's fine But you know I can't let it go I've tried, I've tried, I've tried for so long It takes strength to forgive, but I'm not quite sure I'm there yet It takes strength to forgive, but --- the grudge - Olivia Rodrigo